top secret diary
melissa & poems & archive & danger list & email
Friday, January 17, 2003
We're having a sleepover tonight! With Nicole's mother. I don't know what we'll do, but I know I won't be able to yell "motherfucker" as much as usual!
Thursday, January 16, 2003
I have a headache, but I'm going to go to the forensic anthro lab in a bit, and study and sketch and learn the foramina of the cranial nerves for a few hours. I am looking forward to it, probably way too much, which reveals how much of a nerd I am. But hey, if you were studying to be a rockstar, and you had a lab where you could try on fuck-me pants and practice how to hump your microphone, while in the company of other expert rockstars, you'd be excited too.
I might make some copies, too. Be still my heart!
Today in class we had several moments. One moment was realizing that America never intended to educate us, the working class, never wanted to. Another was reflecting on the bullshit history we are constantly fed.
Man. We were all so sad.
I smiled twice at people, right, to be polite and make an effort not to look like I just ate the entrails of a martyr, and for my trouble, both times, I got a nice lewd leer and a "compliment" in return. Because hey! I'm all for mockery and inappropriate and unasked for treatment. I'm just a woman, after all.
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
I have a favorite skull in osteology class. I've had it for two days, and I've touched it all over, and now I've become emotionally attached. I have stared at it in front of me and examined it intimately and now I am sentimental concerning it. If someone else gets it I will be jealous like a lover.
This used to be a living person. I can touch their teeth, I can trace their cheekbones. They had a mother, a personality, a history, a name. I don't focus on it, but I don't forget it.
I have avoided naps for a week straight, not even giving into them on the weekends. But today I betrayed my own heart and slept for two hours, and I have felt shitty ever since. NAPS ARE POISON. I should just drink instead! Far less debilitating to my body and mind. Naps fuck my shit up, but drinking makes me sociable.
By "sociable" I mean I will tell you at the table about how much I want for Legolas and Gimli to be having crazy mad sex with each other.
Monday, January 13, 2003
Lately when you touch me I scream and want to punch you in the face. What's that about? I go through phases of spooking like a nervous horse. Snake in the grass! Snake in the grass! I guess I like to see things coming. Approach me slowly from the front with apples and sugar.
Sunday, January 12, 2003
The Vines are so fucking good. I listen to this record almost every day, but I keep acting surprised, like I never expect it to be so fucking good each time. It's delightful! Musical Alzheimer's. Do I have this to look forward to in my old age? Because I love belittling serious and heartbreaking diseases!