top secret diary
melissa & poems & archive & danger list & email
Saturday, February 08, 2003
This semester I dropped a class during drop-add for a couple of different reasons. I won't lie, though. One of the major reasons? I didn't feel like listening to people discuss The Lord of the Rings. I don't want the opinions of strangers unless I ask for them. I will not talk about the things I love unless I love you too. That way, if I have to cut you because of what you've said, you probably won't be inclined to press charges.
My bird is sitting on my shoulder, increasing my pirate potential by 83%. He likes me to scratch his ears -- well, his earholes. That's all he loves me for. That, and when I come home to visit I give him shit like ham and turkey and cheese.
Friday, February 07, 2003
A plague on your house. Just because.
Listen, I don't know anything about you men and your penises, and what their natural state is. I'm not sure how you boys handle simple tasks like sitting down without sitting on the family jewels, or catching your junk the wrong way in your pant leg, or how you wear those cute slim-fitting jeans on your fashionably narrow hips without tacky bulging. But I know enough to know that what I saw tonight at dinner was not normal, that a man's dick probably shouldn't be the most anterior part of his body when's walking around like that casually in public. I needed a man-friend around to explain, and there wasn't one. Penile mysteries! Where's Matlock? Or Father Dowling?
I want to take apart all of my friends and get a good look at their bones. I'm starting to stare at people, wondering about their skeletal structure. I want to lay my own parts out on a table and see where my variation is. Who among us has freak pathology?
Good bones are so sexy. Sometimes you can look at someone and just tell.
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
There's a super defensive guy in our Women's Studies class. He's always getting offended and hating something one of the women in our textbook has written. His arguments contradict each other and his attitude pisses me off. I kind of want to punch him in the gut after class one day. That's how I'd love to solve all my problems.
The women are generally great and not so given to knee-jerk reactions. We can actually discuss our own faults and sexism. To hear him speak, he is perfect. Today his complaint was that women act like they have to train men to be feminist, and no credit is given to men who were feminist before they met women. Not only did he totally miss the more blatant and finer points of the article and misconstrue the work completely, he admitted that he was raised by women in an a nearly all-female environment. But no, he grew up feminist completely on his own. It was magic. It happened all by itself with no help from his female caretakers at all.
FRAN ARRIVES IN EXACTLY THIRTY DAYS.
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Yesterday in the course of my day I somehow lodged eight splinters in my wrist, which I noticed while making a tape. Then Amy called while Cat Power moaned about something in the background. Then I dug the splinters out first with scissors, then with a safety pin. Then I cut my finger with the scissors. Then it didn't stop bleeding. Then I watched it while Conor Oberst moaned about something in the background.
Monday, February 03, 2003
If I repeated half the dialogue from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves to you, would you recognize it? I value having knowledge of this film.
Sunday, February 02, 2003
This is my website, and I figure if I can talk about masturbation I should be able to discuss an ex-friend and how she earned that status. Actually, I've got two of them, but the one I'd love to talk about is the one I might have to take legal action against, and I don't want to look bad on Judge Judy, you know, because once I get started it's hard to stop and I'd be on here every day, detailing the problems as they unfold. And you know I wouldn't be able to hold back from saying what I really think, and what I really think includes a variety of specifically tailored expletives. I will say this, however: I examine, now, how all my actions and statements would look on Judge Judy, and this is one thing in which I can say I am clearly in the right. What I want is not irrational or unreasonable but simple and backed by the law.
And I wouldn't talk until Judge Judy told me to. People just can't follow directions or simple logic! That's how they get in trouble with her.
If anything this experience has taught me it's that there's a reason why I love so few people, and why the friends I keep are the best ones I could ever have. They are top quality, they are beautiful, I respect and adore them, they have not wronged me or treated me poorly and thought nothing of it.